Forgiveness: 10 ways to be free from discord

by Karen

Until Seventy times Seven

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18.21-22

Forgiveness is comprised of two aspects. There is first the transgression, the sin, a mistake, perpetrated either purposefully or accidentally, that allows for forgiveness to be granted. The two words, sin (guilty) and sooth (truth, justice, righteousness), are also related linguistically from the same Latin root, sum, to be, present participle of the root –es. So sin and sooth, are states of being and like all natural forces, are divinely balanced, opposite and complementary.

This universal principle is described by yin and yang of Taoism; matter (Prakriti) and spirit (Purusha) personified by the Divine Consort in Hinduism; and twin archetype in Christianity (Cane and Abel, Jacob and Esau) and in Greek and Roman mythology (Castor and Pollux, Romulus and Remus, Osiris and Seth, Logos and Eros). In fact, the twin archetype exists in indigenous creation myths around the world commonly described as the principles Sol and Luna.

The Two, Sun-child and Moon-child, antagonistic yet cooperative, represent a single cosmic force, polarized, split and turned against itself in mutually supplementary portions.  The life-supporting power, mysterious in the lunar rhythm of its tides, growing and decaying at a time, counters and tempers the solar fire of the zenith, life desiccating in its brilliance, yet by whose heat all lives.

Joseph Campbell

This means that the heroes and villains in our story lives are one and the same, mirrored twin aspects of the self. But it is the villains that often play a far greater role in our awakening. They are a far greater catalyst in our transformation. It is they who remove our demons.

This truth has been spelled out for us since ancient times in epic hero tales: from the Navajo stories of the sons of Changing Woman, Born for Water and Demon Slayer; in many of the Bible stories like Exodus, Joseph and Jesus, in the Anishinaabe Ojibway/Chippewa tale of Nanabozho slaying the great demon Megissogwon, in the epic of Gilgamesh from ancient Mesopotamia and in all the stories of good overcoming evil. Of all these, the spiritual quality of the antagonist in the hero’s journey is described most completely and beautifully in the Ramayana.

The Ramayana is a Sanskrit epic of ancient India dating 7th to 4th centuries BCE. In it, Rama, who is Narayana, the twin avatar and earthly incarnation of the God Vishnu, battles and kills the demon king Ravana for stealing his wife Sita (really goddess and his eternal partner, Lakshmi).

On being sin

After a long battle, Rama finally defeats and kills the demon king, Ravana. Upon Ravana’s death, his minister Suka delivers a sealed letter to the hero Rama. It says:

Dear Rama, think and remember
You promised Indra to kill me forever
Oh Lord Narayana, one with all things, creator and master of all-
The creatures that are separate from you are born over and over
I kept Lakshmi to lure you but never hurt her
You are Narayana- you flow through us all- you are Rama and Ravana
You are the poet, the players and play
Born as a man, you forget this, you lose the memory and take on man’s ignorance as you will every time
Take back Lakshmi, your Sita, the war is over

Even with these plain words, Rama does not believe he is Narayana, Rama, and Ravana. Rama has forgotten who he really is.  He, like the rest of us, is destined to forget again and again, in every lifetime, even as he is told the truth by the gods themselves. 

Dost thou not yet, supremely wise,
Thy heavenly nature recognize?

Ramayana CANTO CXIX

While Ravana is Rama’s main adversary and focus, it is really Kaikeyi, Manthara, and Surpanakha who play the critical roles in igniting the plot of the Ramayana. Kaikeyi is queen and mother of Bharata who had Rama exiled to make her son king.  The sorrow killed her husband, Rama’s father, King Dasaratha. Manthara is the hunchback nurse who convinced Kaikeyi to make Bharata king over Rama. Surpanakha is Ravana’s demon sister who told Ravana of Sita’s beauty so that he would steal her away from Rama and then Surpanakha could have Rama for herself. It is these three who stir up the demons.

The Ramayana tells us that the true heroes in the story are the ones that take on the role of evil. The demons represent our false identities. Without the antagonist, there can be no battle. Without a battle, the demons cannot be defeated. There can be no spiritual evolution if we do not overcome our demons. It is the demons that lay hidden that survive.

On being forgiveness

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Luke 23.34

After Sita is restored to Rama, then once again exiled into the forest, Surpanakha, sister of the demon king, Ravana, goes to her and begs her forgiveness. Sita’s replies only in gratitude. She says that without Surpanakha the demon king and all of his followers, the rakshasas, would still live. Sita says that because of the actions of Supanakha that evil is vanquished. What is there to forgive? There is only praise.

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.

Luke 6.37

Transcendence of the illusion of duality and reintegration of our split twin selves is the mark of spiritual awakening. In truth, there is only one type of forgiveness, self-forgiveness. When we do this, we restore the shattered selves, we restore the kingdom of our soul, and we heal and unburden our broken, heavy heart. This is a path of loving devotion, or Bhakti Yoga. Jesus taught this path and that is why he said to forgive seventy times seven. In other words, never ever stop forgiving. On the awakened path, what is there to forgive? Nothing.

Luckily for most children, they start with just small things to forgive. Sibling and friend relationships are a great practice arena for forgiveness, in both states of being- the one who is forgiven and the one who is forgiving. In forgiving another, we become adept at forgiving ourselves and allowing grace, in the form of universal forgiveness to permeate our being. To practice forgiveness, we awaken the feeling nature of the heart through story, play, and song.

Affirmation: I forgive myself and others
Chakra engaged: Heart

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Activity 1: Tell a trickster tale

Trickster tales are universal and serve an important purpose in culture. They reveal the evils and inequities of humankind. They bring to light the demons and expose them. They allow us to view inequality, injustice and unkindness from a distance and be comically entertained by how characters, usually animals with human characteristics, tackle these problems sometimes with wit, sometimes with bumbling disgrace. They allow us to laugh at human folly, laugh at our own seriousness and transcend the human experience. Growing up in Mississippi, one of my favorite tricksters from my childhood is Brer Rabbit.

Brer Rabbit is African-American in that his roots are in Africa, likely from Anansi tales, but he came in a new form to America to help endure, heal and transcend the horrific and untenable trauma of human enslavement. He may be partly Native American, as Nanabozho from the Anishinaabe was also a trickster spirit, creator of the world and cultural hero often depicted as a rabbit.

Brer Rabbit is a champion of human rights and a revealer of social injustice. He is also quintessentially the underdog, who by his wits, strength of character and will overcomes any obstacle or threat to his freedom by “Mister Man” or anyone else, and most especially Brer Fox. His character is complex, however, for he isn’t all good, and quite a bit of time he is up to no good at all. But we root for him nonetheless, even with his all-too-human dual nature, because he like us all deserves freedom.

How does Brer Rabbit teach forgiveness?

Brer Rabbit teaches us to laugh at our problems and lighten up. No matter what happens to Brer Rabbit, he greets each day with happiness and contentment, to take life lightly, and not let troubles weigh you down. Even in this story of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby, Brer Rabbit still remains friends and brothers (“brer”) with Brer Bear and Brer Fox. When we consider that tarring of the enslaved was a reality less than 200 years ago, and a deadly one at that, than this story becomes more meaningful. The brier patch we were born and raised is our eternal home. Just as in that home, in the world of Brer Rabbit, no one ever dies (even if they are sometimes killed in the story).

Listen to my telling of Brer Rabbit and the Tar Baby below:

I also include this oldy-but-goody read-along version from Disney.

Activity 2: The Little Soul and the Sun

This book by Neale Donald Walsch is one I would put in the category of a kid’s book for adults. It really clarifies our relationship one to another and how these relationships are based on mutual agreement, love and service. It is a story of a soul come to Earth to learn how to forgive. But there is a catch. In order to forgive, there must be someone to forgive. Another soul volunteers out of love to to do something terrible that must be forgiven. But the one who offers to help knows that in doing this great service out of love, they will be so identified with their role in the play, that they may forget who they truly are.

I have found many read-along versions of this book on YouTube. Again, this is a super valuable and powerful story better suited for adults or children over 12. I have found that it is too long and complex for younger children who are better met with animal trickster stories like the Tar Baby. Still, I highly recommend this book for teachers. It clarifies the path of What is there to forgive? and shifts from blaming to embracing the antagonists in our personal storylines.

Activity 3: Tell your family history like the Gita

In the Bhagavad Gita, part of the Mahabharata, an epic from ancient India dating to the second century BCE, two vast war parties have chosen sides and lined up on the field of battle. Arjuna, seeing the faces of his opponents, his relatives- uncles, brothers, his teachers, his friends and clansmen, falters. How can he kill his own family? He turns away and confers with his charioteer, Krishna, an incarnation of the great god Vishnu. There follows a long existential conversation on the true nature of being.

Death is as sure for that which is born, as birth is for that which is dead. Therefore grieve not for what is inevitable.

As a person puts on new garments, giving up old ones, similarly, the soul accepts new material bodies, giving up the old and useless ones.

Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita

Krishna gives more besides this and eventually, Arjuna enters into battle and is victorious. However, like Brer Rabbit, the story continues along even after the characters die. Also, like Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox, we find them dining together and retelling their battle story, laughing and reveling, hand-in-hand, enemies as comrades. What is there to forgive? Futher, they cannot wait to do it all over again.

For grown-ups: I share this excerpt on the 1989 movie from Peter Brooks for a peek into the conversation between Lord Krishna and Arjuna.

How to spin your story like the Gita

Whatever happened, happened for the good, Whatever is happening, is happening for the good. Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good.

Lord Krishna, Bhagavad Gita

Take the advice of Krishna, identify with the true self being all things and all sides then speak as a non-attached witness to the story and as a reveler in that drama that is not happening right now. This is especially important if the action in family story involves trauma within the last few generations. Acknowledge the good in this play, even if you do not understand it yet. In this way you may tell even your young child their family history without the perpetuation of fear, prejudice, hatred, distrust and divisiveness, the real demons we are here to overcome.

How your story is told will change as your child ages. You may trust your instincts and your child’s questions to guide you in the telling. I find that my scope and descriptions become more focused and more recent as my children age. I choose to tell the trauma in my family history from both sides, as a natural complementary and balanced cosmic interplay. Like the twin archetype, my ancestors were on both sides taking on the roles the repressors and the repressed: they were American slaves and slaveholders; they were Native Americans and European settlers; they were Union and Confederate; they were Ottoman solders and Bulgarian peasants; Vikings and English and French; and they were all the warring nations of Abraham. Rather than continue the pain that I sense in my body, my gender, my society, humankind and the natural world, I re-story these tales to restore wholeness, love and acceptance and to liberate children to their true birthright of freedom from all discord.

For more help and guidance on telling your story especially with regards to social injustice that is still part of our human consciousness and experience today, I also recommend the work of Rev. Rebekah Gienapp and her books and courses on teaching children about race.

You are the poet, the players and play.

The Ramayana

Activity 4: Predator and Prey, a game

In this game, children have a chance at playing both the hunter and the hunted. It works best with at least 5 or more children.

• Choose one animal pair with a natural predator/prey relationship, for example bobcat/mouse; wolf/deer; coyote/rabbit.
• Assign you group as one animal in the pair, with three times or more as many prey as predators, as it is in nature.
• Designate a play area outdoors and include safety zones for the prey to “hide.”
• When prey is tagged by a predator, you may play the game in two ways: the prey then joins the predator, or the prey is out of the game.
• The game ends when all the prey is eaten or after a specific timed interval.
• Play again switching roles.

What is the learning?

There is lots of inherent science learning in this game not only about the interrelationship of predators and prey, but also about ecology of natural systems, trophic levels, carrying capacity, and resource limitation. These concepts don’t need spelling out. Kids understand them through play.

There is also great metaphysical learning in this game. It demonstrates our interrelationships with one another that make us One being; the fluidity of our identifications and roles; how we can change form; how killing to eat is natural and forgivable; and how life is a play.

Activity 5: Forgiveness lightens your heart

This is an DIY exercise in expressive art.

• With your student or child draw two large heart outlines, one each on its own piece of paper. This can be any size from regular 8.5 X11″ white printer paper to large poster board. The heart should fill the paper.
• Inside one heart, add the colors or images (by paint, crayon, marker or collage) that correspond to the following feelings (to start, also create your own):
  • hate/anger
  • resentment
  • revenge
  • fear
  • distrust
  • meanness
• Inside the second heart, add the colors or images that correspond to these feelings (also add your own ideas):
  • love
  • forgiveness/ letting go
  • acceptance
  • bravery
  • kindness
  • justice/equality
  • faith
  • harmony/happiness

View and discuss the two hearts side-by-side. Which heart feels better? Which heart would you like to have? And so on.

A similar craft activity with printable uses a heart that can be washed clean with forgiveness. This exercise can be find on Mothers Niche.

Activity 6: Teaching forgiveness through Joseph

Looking for even more activities to teach forgiveness?

Susan at Creative Bible Study has created a Christian children’s program about forgiveness based on the story of Joseph. Her format and approach is very similar to mine, beginning with a story then an integration through art and play.

Joseph was the favorite son of Jacob. He was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers, but ended up becoming the pharoah’s advisor and saving his family and the Jewish people. Her lesson teaches using the book, I am not a Scribble by Diane Alber and Genesis chapters 37-50. I really like the fun and creative forgiveness game she created for this lesson and definitely would use it in my own classroom. Find the full lesson with printable here.

Activity 7: There are 4 A’s in Apology

Teach the art and language of apology using the 4 A’s (not to be confused with the 5 A’s that every human needs). When children learn this language early on, they are better able to learn from their mistakes, navigate their social world, and let go of problems.

1. Admit to the wrong and take responsibility
2. Apologize. Say “I’m sorry for…”
3. Acknowledge the other’s feelings. Say why it was wrong and how it will be handled differently in the future.
4. Ask forgiveness and give thanks. “Please forgive me. Thank you.”

Activity 8: Ho’oponopono for Kids

Ho’oponopono is a healing and cleansing technique from the ancient Hawaiian spiritual tradition.  It is a practice in self-forgiveness. It was brought to the West by Dr. Hew Lin and Dr. Joe Vitale.  Its tricky to introduce to kids in a way that they can understand.  It is a deep spiritual practice and if not introduced well, it can make them feel like they are apologizing for something wrong with them.  It can feel like that for some adults too.  This is not what we want kids to feel or get from this practice.

Principle to this practice is belief that there is only One. So in speaking the phrases of Ho’oponopono, we are speaking to the higher Self, that One being all. Another powerful aspect of Ho’oponopono is that whatever is in our experience and awareness is also being us, an aspect of the self for which we are responsible. There is nothing outside. This means anything we see, hear, or know from a news report on a radio, listening to our friend tell us their problems, to watching someone yell at their child in a supermarket, are our own creation.

There are 4 phrases in the Ho’oponopono prayer:

• I’m sorry
• Please forgive me
• Thank you
• I love you

For how to incorporate Ho’oponopono into a story for children, see my post on Compassion. I also recommend for adults working with their inner child the great meditation below from Dr. Hew Lin.

Activity 9: Let God do the forgiving through release

The most important step of treatment is to release and let go of your prayer and to trust absolutely in Spirit to take care of everything. There are so many ways to teach this to children. 

An activity to do anytime, and especially wonderful at bedtime is to tell your child a story to help them to visualize all their problems dissolving.  Simply tell them to pack all of their worries and troubles, all of the bad thoughts and words into a beautiful basket.  Next, place the basket in a safe place, maybe in a special tree or in the Earth like a buried treasure.  Let them know that God will take care of it for them.  If it is a really big problem, let them know that God can fix anything. They don’t have to do anything. Have them feel their body after releasing their burdens, light and free from the thoughts and emotions that weigh them down. This release is what forgiveness feels like. To for-give is to pass it over to God.

For more ideas on nighttime meditations for children, I highly recommend Maureen Garth’s Moonbeam: A Book of Meditations for Children. Also read more in my post on Letting Go for kids.

Activity 10: Teach empowerment through verse

I love this poem for all children, regardless or race or gender. Life affirming, empowering language is creative and overrides feelings of victimization. It opens the way to healing the heart and as a side result, forgiveness.

Hey Black Child
by Useni Eugene Perkins (1975)

Hey Black Child!
Do you know who you are?
Who you really are?
Do you know you can be?
What you want to be?
If you try to be
What you can be.

Hey Black Child!
Do you know where you are going?
Where you’re really going?
Do you know you can learn?
What you want to learn?
If you try to learn
What you can learn.

Hey Black Child!
Do you know you are strong?
I mean really strong?
Do you know you can do?
What you want to do?
If you try to do
What you can do.

Hey Black Child!
Be what you can be.
Learn what you must learn.
Do what you can do.
And tomorrow your nation
Will be what you want it to be.

Affirmative prayer for forgiveness

There is only One.
This One is God.
God is everywhere and everything.
There is no where God is not.
There is nothing that God is not.
That means God is also being me.
God is being you.
God is being our relationship.
God is good.
Whatever happened, happened for the good,
Whatever is happening, is happening for the good.
Whatever will happen, will also happen for the good.
I forgive myself and I forgive others.
I release and let go of any heavy feelings in my heart and welcome God to take care of everything.
My heart is clean.
I am free to play and have fun in life.
Thank you God!
Swaha! And so it is!
Amen.

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Sources for more study

• Dharma Darshan: The Concept of Shakti: Hinduism as a Liberating Force for Women by Hindunet.org
• The Twins: an archetypal perspective by SolarLunar.com

Dedication

To Dr. Bill Little who re-introduced me to Jesus and his heart teachings.

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Image credits

My thanks to the following image artists:

Owl chases mouse Comfreak
Gemini By Sidney Hall – This image is available from the United States Library of Congress’s Prints and Photographs division, Public Domain,
Two birds Rick Tremblay
Battle at Lanka (Ramayana)- By Sahibdin – British Library, Public Domain
Ravana – By Scan/photo by: User: Henryart (who is owner of the original painting/object/photo), Public Domain
Twin girls Kateřina Hartlová
Brer Rabbit – By A. B. Frost – Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings, Public Domain
Arjuna and Krishna – By Unknown author & Philadelphia museum for Art, Public Domain
Lion with child  Sarah Richter 
woman with two faces S. Hermann & F. Richter
Jacob and Joseph By Owen Jones, Public Domain
Hawaiian dancer skeeze